Styles
of Parenting
According to the research, there are 4 basic styles of
parenting. These styles are based on demandingness (how much you require of
your children in terms of setting rules, boundaries, and creating structure) and
responsiveness or nurturance (the amount of care, love, and positive regard you
show your child). The chart below briefly describes the results of each style
of parenting:
Authoritative (high demands, high
responsiveness)
- Most effective style of parenting.
- Parents create a consistent structure, have realistic rules and expectations for their children, follow through on boundaries, and set appropriate consequences.
- Parents are responsive to their child's needs, genuinely care about what is going on in their child's life, and show unconditional positive regard (I like and love you no matter what you do, I will not withdraw my love from you if you do something bad or something I disapprove of).
- Parents are willing to listen to their child and take their opinion/point-of-view into account when making decisions that affect the child.
Authoritarian (high demands, low responsiveness)
- Parents are often referred to as drill sergeants for their "Because I said so" approach to setting rules and boundaries.
- Don't spend a lot of time building a positive relationship with their children and often withdraw love and attention when the child does something they don't want them to do.
- Often have very rigid rules and are unwilling to look at things from their child's perspective.
- Parents are shouters/yellers and cold-shoulder-ers.
- Swift with punishment, but very slow to pay attention to what their child is doing right.
- Take the attitude that you can always do better, so whatever their child does is never good enough.
Permissive (low demands, high
responsiveness)
- Parents show lots of love, attention, and devotion to their children, but have very few (if any) rules and boundaries.
- Their home life is often not very structured and most of the time, the child has a lot more power in the home than the parent.
- Kids are allowed to do pretty much whatever they please with no consequences or inconsistent consequences.
- Parents will often swoop in to "save the day" when another adult tries to set or enforce boundaries with the child (e.g., if the child gets in trouble for misbehaving at school, the parent goes out of their way to excuse the bad behavior and get the child out of being punished).
- Parents are more focused on being their child's friend than on being a parent; they don't ever want to be perceived as the bad guy, so they avoid stepping up to discipline.
Uninvolved or neglectful (low
demands, low responsiveness).
- Parents don't require much of their children, but they don't show love and regard to them either.
- Most of the time, they don't pay attention to the child at all.
- Parents are often the ones that leave their child unattended at home while they go out and do what they want.
- The child's needs almost always go unmet, so they are forced to seek to get their needs met from other sources, often in very unhealthy ways.
- Parents provide no structure or boundaries, therefore consequences are usually non-existent as well.
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