Hierarchy of Needs - The Five Levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

J. Finkelstein

What motivates behavior? According to humanist psychologist Abraham Maslow, our actions are motivated in order achieve certain needs. Maslow first introduced his concept of a hierarchy of needs in his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation" and his subsequent book Motivation and Personality. This hierarchy suggests that people are motivated to fulfill basic needs before moving on to other, more advanced needs.

This hierarchy is most often displayed as a pyramid. The lowest levels of the pyramid are made up of the most basic needs, while the more complex needs are located at the top of the pyramid. Needs at the bottom of the pyramid are basic physical requirements including the need for food, water, sleep, and warmth. Once these lower-level needs have been met, people can move on to the next level of needs, which are for safety and security.

As people progress up the pyramid, needs become increasingly psychological and social. Soon, the need for love, friendship, and intimacy become important. Further up the pyramid, the need for personal esteem and feelings of accomplishment take priority. Like Carl Rogers, Maslow emphasized the importance of self-actualization, which is a process of growing and developing as a person in order to achieve individual potential.

Types of Needs

Abraham Maslow believed that these needs are similar to instincts and play a major role in motivating behavior. Physiological, security, social, and esteem needs are deficiency needs (also known as D-needs), meaning that these needs arise due to deprivation. Satisfying these lower-level needs is important in order to avoid unpleasant feelings or consequences.

Maslow termed the highest-level of the pyramid as growth needs (also known as being needs or B-needs). Growth needs do not stem from a lack of something, but rather from a desire to grow as a person.

Five Levels of the Hierarchy of Needs

There are five different levels in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

1. Physiological Needs
   These include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air, food, and sleep. Maslow believed that these needs are the most basic and instinctive needs in the hierarchy because all needs become secondary until these physiological needs are met.

 
2. Security Needs
   These include needs for safety and security. Security needs are important for survival, but they are not as demanding as the physiological needs. Examples of security needs include a desire for steady employment, health care, safe neighborhoods, and shelter from the environment.

 
3. Social Needs
   These include needs for belonging, love, and affection. Maslow described these needs as less basic than physiological and security needs. Relationships such as friendships, romantic attachments, and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance, as does involvement in social, community, or religious groups.

 
4. Esteem Needs
   After the first three needs have been satisfied, esteem needs becomes increasingly important. These include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition, and accomplishment.

 
5. Self-actualizing Needs
   This is the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested fulfilling their potential.

Criticisms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

While some research showed some support for Maslow's theories, most research has not been able to substantiate the idea of a needs hierarchy. Wahba and Bridwell reported that there was little evidence for Maslow's ranking of these needs and even less evidence that these needs are in a hierarchical order.

Other criticisms of Maslow's theory note that his definition of self-actualization is difficult to test scientifically. His research on self-actualization was also based on a very limited sample of individuals, including people he knew as well as biographies of famous individuals that Maslow believed to be self-actualized, such as Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt. Regardless of these criticisms, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs represents part of an important shift in psychology. Rather than focusing on abnormal behavior and development, Maslow's humanistic psychology was focused on the development of healthy individuals.

While there was relatively little research supporting the theory, hierarchy of needs is well-known and popular both in and out of psychology. In a study published in 2011, researchers from the University of Illinois set out to put the hierarchy to the test. What they discovered is that while fulfillment of the needs was strongly correlated with happiness, people from cultures all over the reported that self-actualization and social needs were important even when many of the most basic needs were unfulfilled.

http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/hierarchyneeds.htm

Independent Living Skills

WHAT ARE INDEPENDENT LIVING SKILLS? Independent Living Skills are the skills needed to perform everyday tasks. We can assist you in learning a variety of these skills to help you become more independent.
HOME MANAGEMENT • Maintaining your household • Preparing nutritious meals • Laundering	TIME • Understanding concept of time • Using a clock to plan activities • Using a calendar appropriately
HEALTH AND SAFETY • Maintaining good personal health • Scheduling medications • Preparing for medical emergencies	TRANSPORTATION • Utilizing public transportation • Scheduling transportation
COMMUNITY SERVICES • Shopping behaviors • Attending entertainment venues • Using public services	CLOTHING MAINTENANCE • Caring for clothing • Selecting appropriate wardrobe • Repairing clothing
MONEY MANAGEMENT • Budgeting your money • Maintaining your checking account • Understanding SSI/SSDI	GROOMING • Maintaining good hygiene habits • Using cosmetics and cologne appropriately • Toileting
SOCIALIZATION SKILLS • Understanding of social etiquette • Utilizing appropriate manners • Learning how to deal with others	DRIVERS MANUAL/TEST • Studying for driving test • Applying for proper documentation
KNOWLEDGE OF ADA • Understanding your rights http://www.hired-hands.org/skills.htm

Life Skills Your Teen Needs to Be Independent Parents, Help Teens Be Successful at Living Independently

If your parenting goes as normally planned, your teen or young adult will at some point leave home and live independently. Life Skills will help your teen be independent and able to live on their own, which is the goal of a successful young adult and their parents. But it isn't easy. Older teens often feel they can take the big step towards independent living without possessing all of the life skills they will need to succeed in the world at large. Therefore, they start out at an disadvantage by not getting the confidence a person gains by learning an independent living skill and not having the ability to do the life skill. This makes the transition from a teen at home to their life as a young adult harder. Sometimes it's so hard, they come back home. If you are raising foster teens or teens in a children's home - as I have - coming back home isn't an option. With my own children, it is an option, but not one I want them to take.

 

 

When teens learn how to deal with an emergency, they are less likely to panic if they are faced with one.

Richard Price / Getty Images

You can help your teen be independent by encouraging good habits and helping them learn the life skills it takes to be independent. Here I have listed fifteen life skills your teen will need to learn in order to be successful at living independently the first time they are on their own:

1. The Ability to Cope with Loneliness
   Coping with loneliness is a very important skill on my list of needed independent living skills for teens because every teen I've ever known has needed it. Teens who know how to recognize loneliness as the temporary feeling it is, use their support system and work through their loneliness do just fine.
2. Finding and Keeping a Job Skills
   In order to live independently, your teen will need to have a job. The job will need to make enough money to cover their living expenses, at minimum. Today's happy young adult has a job that contributes to a high quality of life and not just monetarily. Here are the skills your teen will need to have in order to find and keep jobs that contribute to a high quality of life.
3. The Ability to Procure and Cook Food
4. Health and Hygiene Skills
   In order for your teen to be happy while they live independently, they will need to be successful at keeping their bodies healthy and clean. These life skills are taught throughout your teen's childhood and adolescence by encouraging good hygiene routines and healthy habits.
5. Transportation Skills Or The Ability to Get from One Place to Another
   One life skill that teens need to learn to become independent but generally leave to their parents or caregivers, is transportation or getting from Point A to Point B. Here is a list of transportation lessons - and experiences if you can swing it - that your teen will benefit from learning now, while you are still able to help.
6. General Housekeeping Skills
7. Money Skills
8. Interpersonal Skills
9. Goal Setting and Obtaining Skills
   Defining what it is you want is called setting a goal. Figuring out and taking the actions you need to get your goal is how you obtain that goal. Both of these are important life skills. Learning how to set and obtain a goal are necessary life skills your teen will need to be a happy and successful adult.
10. Ability to Find Housing
11. Time Management Skills
    When teens learn how to use their time wisely, they not only get more tasks accomplished, they feel good about themselves and their abilities. Learn how to teach your teen personal time management skills.
12. The Ability to Find What You Need in Your Community
13. The Ability to Deal with Emergencies
    When your team has to deal with an emergency, there will be no time for them to think. Therefore, it is imperative parents take the time to teach their teens how to deal with emergencies while they are at home– and I'm talking more than just knowing how to dial 911. Here is some advice on how to do just that.
14. Stress Management Skills
15. Personal Safety Skills

Does your teen need to know all of ins and outs of each skill well? No. Your teen may even get by not having to know one particular skill at all. For instance, a young man who has no idea how to do laundry may have a girlfriend who does. This young man may be able to get his interpersonal skills to help with his household skills by convincing his girlfriend to help with his laundry. But, do your best at teaching your teen each skill as if they will need it. This will give them the greatest chance of being successful at living independently the first time they live on their own.

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/agesandstages/a/Life-Skills-Teens-Teaching-Independent-Living.htm

How To Delegate a Responsibility to Your Teen

As children get older, they are capable of more and more responsibility. Smart parents who recognize this are able to give their teen chores or other responsibilities that used to be done by the parent. Not only can these tasks be given to a teen, but a parent can expect that the task will be completed properly. All a parent needs to do is delegate.

 

Here's How:

1. Clear communication is a must. Be clear about the responsibility you want completed.
   
   
2. Explain to your teenager that taking on responsibilities leads to learning self-confidence. It also helps you know that your teen is capable of handling responsibility and therefore, may lead to more priviledges.
   
   
3. If the task is a multi-part task, write out the directions on how to get it done. For example, if you want the bathroom cleaned list what needs cleaned and what to cleaner to use.
   
   
4. Allow your teen to do the task independently. Do not stand over him/her.
   
   
5. Go back and check that your teen has completed the responsibility to your satisfaction.
   
   
6. If your teen has completed the task to your satisfaction, thank him/her. Do this every time the task is completed correctly.
   
   
7. If your teen has not completed the task to your satisfaction, explain what needs to be done to get it right and ask that he/she try again next time. Check step #3 and repeat step #4 through step #7 next time.

Tips:

1. Do not get into a battle of wills on any given week. Let your teen know your expectations and that you’ll be ready to check again the following time the task needs to be done.
   
   
2. Do you feel you have open communication with your teen? http://parentingteens.about.com/od/behavioranddiscipline/ht/delegate_teen.htm

How to Raise a Teenager Successfully

Successfully raising a teen is no simple task. It requires time, attention and effort. Plus, parents don't get to know if they've done a good job until their teen is grown. In other words, in order for a parent to feel like they've been successful at raising their teen, they need to feel their teen is successful in their own lives. So, keeping in mind that the reward is in the future, let's explore some parenting teens tips that will help you raise your teen successfully.

 

Keep your eye on the goal. The goal for every parent is to raise a happy young adult who is capable of having the best that life offers them. We can all agree on that. But that said, it can sometimes seem almost impossible to do. It's true. There are times when things can look bleak while raising a teen. But purposefully remembering the goal - where you tell yourself at least weekly - will help you and your teen through these times. This maundra turns the hard times into more of a 'lesson to be learned' then an 'end-game'. When parents do this, they find it's harder to get bogged down in the pettiness of power struggles with their teens and the tasks of daily life while it gets easier to set smaller goals along their teen's journey of growing up.

Learn to communicate with your teen. Communication with teens encompasses so much more than just talking to them. It includes a need for parents to convey their unconditional love of their teen, employ a discipline that works for both the teen and parent, show a teen how to successfully use the world around them and more. Sometimes communication with teens means no communicating. By the time your child is a teen, parents should know body language that points to the fact that something is wrong - or something is right. But because your child is a teen, they might not share what is wrong or what is wrong may just be the growing pains of the teen years. Parents of teens will be willing to not bug their teen and just keep an ear out for when their teen does want to talk - and an eye out for any trouble.
Build your teen's confidence and self-esteem. When your raise a confident young adult with a healthy self-esteem, they go on to do things in their lives that bring happiness and joy to themselves and those around them. They are not afraid to achieve or to do the work it takes to achieve their best. You can be less worried about what is going on in your teen's world when they have a strong self-esteem because that means they will be able to make the right choices.

Support your teen's need for individuality. Children need time to become who they will be. We know people don't just start out being who they are. But parents do have a glimpse and can help guide their teen by supporting their teens choices in activities, hobbies and friends. Being available to drive your teen to practice, purchasing art supplies and seeking out opportunities for your teen to develop strong friendships are all things parents, who want to be successful at raising their teen, can do to support their teen's individuality.

Employ fair and firm discipline. Discipline changes as your child grows up and becomes a teenager. But it doesn't stop. Your teen will still need your guidance and discipline. You will still need to say 'no'. You will still need to have consequences in place if your teen refuses to adhere to your family's rules. Basically, fair and firm discipline is you, the parent, creating a discipline plan for your teen that is fair to both of you and sticking to it using a firm and loving approach. When you employ the fair and firm discipline approach your teen will learn the value of doing what is right along with how to take responsibility for their actions. It's a win-win that leads directly to raising your teen successfully.

Teach your teen life skills. Life skills are those abilities you need to make it in the world outside of your family's home. For instance, can your teen cook? Or do they know how to use a bank account? These skills help a teen not only survive, but thrive when they begin to live on their own. Parents need to be aware of the tasks they do for their teens and be sure their teens are capable of successfully doing them too.
http://parentingteens.about.com/od/familylife/a/How-To-Raise-A-Teenager-Successfully-Raising-Teens.htm

The TALK Model of Parenting High-Tech Children, Teens and Young Adults

In a typical family system there should be a hierarchy of knowledge and power with the parents at the top and the children at the bottom. When it comes to technology, however, often that hierarchy gets turned upside down. When children know more about technology than their parents, parents can feel intimidated by how facile their children are with new media, often even before the parents know that something new exists. My computer consultant, Michael, is 10 and he has been helping me out of technology problems since he was 9. This is not a joke. He simply knows more about it than I do and he has been extremely helpful and knowledgeable, regardless of the problem I present.

Dealing with technology in a family system takes special care and in my 2008 book, Me, MySpace, and I: Parenting the Net Generation, I introduced the TALK Model of Parenting. I realize that MySpace is not the rage it once was, and four years in real time is equal to decades in techno-time, but the model is still valid and useful in our post-MySpace, social media, electronically-tethered world. Here are the components:

 

"T" is for Trust

With the media constantly highlighting scary aspects of the online world -- particularly for teens -- it is imperative that parents develop an environment of trust between themselves and their high-tech children, teens and even young adults. In a perfect world, parents should start the process by instituting weekly family meetings as soon as their children use ANY form of media or technology. Yes, this includes television. As soon as your kids start watching TV or you hand them your iPhone or iPad to keep them occupied, you should have family meetings. When kids are young these meetings should last no more than five minutes and the time should increase to no more than 15 minutes when they become teenagers. Everyone sits on the floor -- roughly equalizing height and, therefore, perceived power -- and the parents start by asking a question about technology. With little ones it might be something along the lines of, "What is your favorite TV show and what do you like about it?" My rule is that parents ask a question and then sit back and listen with a nonjudgmental attitude (and a smile on their faces) and use their parental radar to listen carefully for signs of potential issues. Being nonjudgmental helps develop trust. As the children age the talks lengthen and the questions focus more on psychological issues. For a teenager, I might ask something like, "I have heard that some kids get bullied online. Do you know anyone who has been bullied? What happened and how did they feel (or how do you think they felt)?" Then sit back and listen (and smile). Weekly meetings develop trust so that when your child encounters something online or anywhere in their electronic world that makes them uncomfortable they will come to you for your help.

There are also some parenting strategies that make developing trust more difficult. Checking your child's computer without their knowledge, installing technological filters (regardless of whether your child is aware of them or not) and severe, reactive punishments for misuse of technology all work against developing a sense of trust. Don't believe that your children won't know if you check up on them clandestinely. They will figure it out. Don't believe that if you install a filter on your child's computer they won't be able to figure out a workaround. Google "workaround" followed by the name of any tracking program, and you will find websites that show how to disable the software or even how to circumvent it without the installer (you) being aware that it is no longer functional.

 

"A" is for Assess

You should not allow children or even teenagers to use technology behind closed doors. Research shows that those children who have technology in their bedrooms -- in what I term a "TechnoCocoon" -- are more likely to have problems surrounding their use including sleep difficulties and misuse of the technology. Ideally, technology should be placed in a common area and parents should be able to observe at any time. If that is not possible, and the technology needs to be in a bedroom, parents need to institute an open-door policy whereby they are allowed to walk in and look at what is on the screen or examine text messages or whatever activity is ongoing. Beware that your kids may suddenly close windows or hide screens when you walk by. Practice good behavioral parenting and set up contingencies for this occurrence. For example, if you think that your teenager is closing screens he doesn't want you to see, then set up a contingent punishment schedule such as: "The first time you close a screen you will lose your computer use for an hour. The second time it will double to two hours, and then four hours and so on." By the way, if you have no idea how to tell if your teenager closed a screen, ask him to show you how to access the history on his computer. That's where you will find the screens that were open and are now closed. If the history has been cleared that is a sign that your teen doesn't want you to see what he has been doing (and also should lead to the same penalties).

I highly recommend that you practice what is called "co-viewing," which is a term from television research where you watch TV with your kids and then discuss what you just saw on the screen in order to help them better understand and integrate the show material. You can do the same with computers. Sit down with your kids and ask them to show you stuff on the computer, smartphone or tablet -- interesting websites, new apps, new games -- and then talk to them about how they are using them and what they feel about any potential issues of problems.

As a special case of "A" you should plan to visit your teen's or young adult's social media sites. I tell parents to inform their kids that in 24 hours from now, you will sit with them and go through their Facebook page or whatever social media they use. This gives them time to clean it up and make it parent-ready. Have them show you what is there. Click on the links to friends' pages, particularly any "friends" that you do not know personally. And let them know that after this first look-see you will be stopping in periodically with no warning to see how they are doing. This should be fodder for a family discussion!

 

"L" is for Learn

You have to learn about the technologies that your kids are using. You don't have to be an expert but you do need to keep tabs on what is new in their virtual worlds. The best way is to ask your kids regularly to show you new stuff. Over time, they develop a sense of pride in their knowledge and skills and also you develop more of that trust that is one cornerstone of this model. Also ask your kids' friends parents what their kids are using and make it a habit to check in with any families where your kids spend a lot of time. When my younger daughter was growing up she used to do her homework at a neighbor's house with a girl in her classes and a third girl, whose parents did not allow her any Internet access during the school week, often joined them. Guess what they were doing? Yep! Hanging out on the Internet. You need to form an alliance with your children's parents and make a pact that everyone share what the kids are doing with technology at their homes, whether it is watching television (and particularly what channels they are allowed to watch), playing video games, surfing the net or using their smartphones. It is difficult enough to establish technology rules and guidelines for your own home, but it is imperative that you factor in other places where your children may encounter technology.

 

"K" is for Communicate

The other cornerstone of the TALK Model of Parenting is communication. (Yes, I know that "communication" starts with a "C" and not a "K," but a TALC Model of Parenting sounds too much like baby powder.) Communication means making opportunities to talk to your children about technology. The weekly family meetings that I described earlier will promote communication, particularly if you spend the majority of the time listening rather than commenting. Family dinners are an excellent time to talk about technology. Once again, it is important that dinner be a time without technology (and that means that mom and dad can't check their phones during dinner and the television must be turned off). If your family is having trouble ditching technology for a 45-minute dinner then try using "tech breaks" that I described in an earlier Huffington Post blog entitled, "Helping Your Children Study Amidst Distracting Technologies."

The key to communicating with your kids about technology is to ask them lots of open-ended questions relevant to their developmental age. As I mentioned earlier with family meetings, when they are young, ask very concrete questions such as "What is your favorite app on mommy's iPad?" As they get older you can ask more "social" questions such as "What's your favorite TV show?" or "Why do you like to text your friends?" or "What is fun about watching videos on YouTube?" or even, as they get older, "Do you know anyone who has been bullied online? What happened and how did they feel?" You can see that as your children get older, the topics evolve and involve more processing of their feelings. If you have been working on developing trust then they will be eager to talk about these issues. It is really all about Trust and "K"ommunication! Use any opportunity to foster both and don't let your kids escape through technology.

The American Pediatric Association says to avoid television and other media technologies for infants and children under age 2. That is a great guideline but, as all parents know, kids love technology and are attracted to it no matter what it is. And with such attractive technologies as tablets, smartphones and other portable technologies, it is very easy to entertain your child with technology. I have two rules of thumb that I teach parents. First and foremost is that when you infant or child is using technology they should not be alone. You should practice co-viewing and sit with your child and interact with them about what they are seeing and hearing. I just sat with a 6-month-old and tried out an iPad app called "Laugh & Learn (by Fisher-Price). All it involves is touching the screen to release a colorful heart, square, triangle or circle, which jump around and send out all sort of sparkles and talk to you telling what they are and what they are doing. Simple by adult standards, but the 6-month-old loved it for about five minutes. Yes, this is a form of media, but it is also a learning tool and stimulates the imagination.

My second rule of thumb is that the ratio of screen time to real-world time should be one to five for the youngest ones, meaning that for every minute of screen time there should be five minutes of non-screen time. So, the 6-month-old now needs some real-world time for 25 minutes. I took him outside, showed him flowers, let him try to shove one in his mouth, and then had him practice crawling (you should see how hard he will try to crawl to get at that iPad!).

As children get older they are going to want more media so the 1:5 ratio now starts to change to 2:5 and so on, so that when kids are in their preteens, the ratio should be 5:5 and then as they get older it will, by the nature of social media and e-communication, should end up at 5:1 when they are teenagers. HOWEVER, and this is important, the majority of this tech time should be spent co-viewing.

There are many ways to parent your high-tech children, teens and young adults surrounding their world of technology. The TALK Model is just one way that I have found helps parents flexibly engage their children while managing their technology use.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-larry-rosen/talk-model_b_2152745.html

How to Raise a Successful Teen

To be successful as a teenager means that your teenager is able to overcome obstacles that prevent them from doing well in school, they develop healthy relationships with their other family members and friends, and of course they stay out of trouble.

Many parents get frustrated trying to raise their teenage children. Many of these parents enjoy raising their children while their kids are still in elementary school, but lose sense of control and become frustrated as parents during their kids' teenage years. This is nothing new and it will always be an issue for many. The truth is that unless you are lucky, it takes a lot of work, time, love, and patience to ensure that your children can be successful as teenagers. If you really love your children, they should mean the world to you. If this is so, it should not bother you to put in the necessary effort to make your dreams of a successful teen a reality. In fact, you should feel great as you are doing everything you can to guide your children to success.

Raising a successful teenager really begins as soon as your children are born. Some people would argue that it begins as soon as they are conceived. Either way, the sooner you start doing everything you can to ensure your children's success, the more likely they will become succe.

 

Infant and Toddler Years

The infant and toddler years of a child's life are the foundation for success in many areas. During this time, there is no question that you must make sure to maintain your child's physical health by having regular check-ups with a pediatrician and also make sure your child is getting their proper nutrition. Where the confusion seems to be is how and when to give children attention. If you give positive attention to your baby every time he or she cries, he or she will become dependent and can cause major issues down the road. If you do not give your baby enough positive attention, he or she will have difficulty developing trust between him or her and you. This too, would cause major problems down the road. If you develop a schedule for your baby, in which eating, napping, playing, and sleeping routines are created and set, you will limit the amount of crying for you and your child. This is also the time to start training your child that if they cry for apparently no reason, they will not get your attention. Of course, you should already be giving them lots of positive attention.

If your child cries, you need to know whether he or she has legitimate reason to cry or not. If you have established your daily routines and the routines have been managed properly, check to see if your child needs a diaper change or anything that could be wrong with him or her. If nothing seems to be wrong, let your baby cry and walk away. At first this will feel like you are abandoning your child, but trust me, this will help them develop independence. The crying could also irritate you for a while, but eventually your baby will usually only cry if he or she absolutely needs something. You will be thankful you went through this process every time you hear other parents complaining that they can't get any sleep or any work done because of all the crying. This process shows your child that you will be there to take care of him or her whenever he or she needs to be taken care of, but at the same time, your child will learn that he or she does not have to rely on you all the time.

You must also remember to play with you child as much as you can during the waking hours. Many things are learned through play for both the child and the parent. This also allows you and your child to develop a love for being with each other as well as trust. Play also allows your baby to explore and to test the world around him or her.

The same rules apply for toddlers. The only difference is that toddlers will need to explore more than an infant as they are more mobile and their mind and senses are also more developed. Make sure your house is toddler safe. Toddlers should be allowed to explore with your guidance but also without your guidance. They need to see that they do not need you to teach them things; that they can learn on their own. Doing this lays the foundation for success in school.

It is also important to understand that children in these early stages do not understand right from wrong and should not be treated negatively as a result for doing something wrong. At these ages, children need to feel secure. They also need to know that you are their support.

 

School-age Years

The real difficult work necessary to ensure a high potential for success for your future teenager comes during their school-age years. During these years, your children establish themselves as individuals. In order for them to become successful teens, they must be successful school-agers. School-aged children need lots of support, love, patience, and discipline. These four concepts are very important to the well being of children. Children must feel like their parents care more about them than anything. This can be done by listening to what they have to say, asking them about school, going to back to school nights, playing with them any chance you get, being affectionate with them, letting them know you notice their improvements, and many other activities. They need to know that they are your whole world; and yes, they should be.

The most difficult part of school-aged children is discipline. Many parents are confused about how they should discipline your children. The sad thing is that how you discipline children has a huge impact on who they will be as teenagers.

The word discipline comes from the Latin word, disciplina, which means teaching. To discipline your child does not mean to punish them; it means to teach or guide them. This should always be done in a positive fashion. One thing to remember is that children are a reflection of their parents. For this reason as well as others, you need to discipline your children through modeling. If you act differently than you preach, your children might not accept your word. This will also cause confusion for your children and trust between parent and child can be broken.

When children do something wrong, they need to be guided, not punished. Punishments and rewards are often used to keep children on the correct path. However, these are extrinsic motivators and may work at the moment, but they do nothing to develop your children into successful teens. If children do something wrong, sending them to their room or spanking them does not teach them the lesson they need to learn so they do not make the same mistake again. As kids get older extrinsic motivators such as spanking, timeouts, and banishment to their rooms become ineffective. Children start to weigh the risk and rewards of situations because they have not developed intrinsic motivation. Sometimes they do not get caught doing something wrong and they are rewarded for that behavior because they have not gotten caught. This leads children to do other things they should not do. Without intrinsic motivation, they also become okay with being punished because they enjoy the poor behavior more than they dislike the punishment.

Children need to learn intrinsic motivation. This means that they do the right thing because it feels right; not because they get something out of it. They also resist doing things that are wrong because they would feel disappointed in themselves afterward. This is how a good and strong self-conscience works.

Developing intrinsic motivation in children can be difficult, but is necessary to ensure their success as teens. When children get in trouble, instead of punishing them, they need to be guided. Parents can do this by responding to them in a calm manner. Children must know when their parents are disappointed in them. However, yelling or using harsh language causes more harm than good. Parents must share their disappointment with their children in a loving tone and make sure their children know that when they do something wrong, it hurts their parents. After having this loving talk, parents should do activities with their children that will help them learn right from wrong. Reading books together that teach the lesson involved in the situation is a great activity. Then parents and their children can discuss what happened in the story and how it is very similar to what happened in their own life. Parents should have their children communicate what they did and how it was wrong as well as what they would do next time if they are in the same situation. If they are able to write about the situation, parents should have them write about it and at the same time, parents can help them with their writing. Not only are children thinking about what they did but they are also practicing positive communication skills and learning how to write. As kids get older, many more activities are possible as a form of discipline. For instance, if a child is overheard making fun of someone, his or her parents can take them around the neighborhood to have the child ask people to donate old blankets for a homeless or women's shelter. Then the whole family can deliver the blankets to the shelter.

Disciplining children in this way tells them that they are not alone in trying to figure out how to become the person they should be. They know that their parents will always be there for them even when they have done something wrong. If punishment is used instead, a wall will be built between parents and their children. When their children are teens, they will not want to go to their parents for guidance or help because they would be afraid. This can cause them to get in even more trouble. If discipline as I describe it is used, children will know they can go to their parents for anything. This is so important because when children are teenagers, they are going through many changes and are faced with many problems. They need to know that they can trust their parents to treat them fairly and with respect when they have a problem. Without this trust, teenagers can easily become lost. Once they are lost, it is very difficult for them to ever find their way to success.

 

Conclusion

During the infant and toddler years, children must develop independence, a joy for learning, and need to be encouraged to explore. During the school-age years, parenting is a lot of work if it is done right. If parents really do love their children, they would not think twice about making sure they do what is right for their children. Parents who love their children would also get a lot of joy from raising their children the right way, especially during times of discipline. When disciplined properly, children develop intrinsic motivation. This motivation helps keep them on the right path without needing their parents constantly on their case about getting things done or doing the right things. This makes it much easier to be parents of teenagers. By their teenage years, children who have been disciplined as I have described would be more likely to have strong, loving relationships with their parents. This relationship will help them through all problems that come their way and they will become successful teens.
 

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